WHAT THE F**KING F**KITY F**K F**K?????!!!!! VOLUME F*CKING THREE

It was a pretty calm morning here in pop culture news, and then...this:

"As a Miss San Antonio reigning queen, she has to live up to our rules and regulations and the standards of our contract...She was doing a photo shoot and asked to wear her wardrobe from the competition, but it did not fit her. I told her we need to get you on an exercise program. We need to get ready to compete for Miss Texas, just like any elite athlete." - Linda Woods, spokesperson for the Miss Bexar County Organization, explaining why Miss San Antonio, Domonique Ramirez, had her title revoked.

So the 17 year-old Ramirez lost her crown for gaining weight. That's cool. Nothing about that makes me crazy. I don't see any reason why a teenager shouldn't be fired from her post in a "scholarship competition" for growing. Make perfect sense.

Ramirez is suing the board for unfair termination. I'm mixing a bloody mary. Good morning!

Teen Beauty Queen Dethroned For Gaining Weight [Jezebel]

How The F*ck Did I Miss This?

Clearly, I was in the wrong city on Thursday, because the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade was where all the action was. According to the New York Post, there was all sorts of girl drama aboard Miss USA's vessel when Miss New York Davina Reeves snuck past security and, in FULL PAGEANT GEAR, climbed onto Miss USA Rima Fakih's float and tried to take over. That's right. Beauty Queen mutiny! Here's how the Post tells it:

Reeves, wearing her Miss New York sash and crown, managed to claw her way onto Fakih's float and began waving enthusiastically signing autographs and waving to the crowd...Reeves hitched a ride for five blocks before Fakih's horrified handlers managed to persuade parade organizers to boot her pageant rival off the float...Paula Shugart, president of the Miss Univers organizatin, parent ofMiss USA, said "Miss New York wasn't invited and nobody had any idea how she got on the float."

This is amazing. All this story needs is some hair pulling, because beauty pageants aren't ridiculous enough. I think it's important to add some high school girlfighting and desperation to the mix. Because after a while all that objectification, superficiality, silicone, and talent-free posturing gets old, you know?