When Making Porn Is The Better Choice

"I pray every day to God that she will wake up and say, 'This is not for me. This is not how I want my life to be.'" - Marie Oberlin, mom to Rachel Oberlin/Bree Olson, the porn star formerly known as one of CShee's "goddesses," speaking to People earlier this week about her daughter's cohabitation with Sheen and Natalie Kenly. Looks like Momma O got her wish, because Chuckie Tweeted this morning that Rachel has left Sheen's "Sober Valley Lodge." Um, we promised not to write about Sheen -- and we're not. This is about Rachel. And I want to suggest that it might be time for a little existential inventory when your mom prefers your life in porn to your life with a delusional, disgraced movie star. Just saying.

NO!

According to RadarOnline, Charlie Sheen's new porn star plaything, Bree Olson, is shopping her celebrity sex story for $50,000. That's right. A porn star who spent the weekend with Charlie Sheen in Vegas and then made out with Michelle "Bombshell" McGee onstage days later is into Sheen only for the publicity. Or rather, she was onto Sheen only for the publicity. Devastating! I mean, if these two indiscriminate cokeheads can't make it work, what hope is there for the rest of us, really?

Charlie Sheen Has Great Taste

"Any men in the Fort Wayne area want to come fill me with [crass, slang term for ejaculate] before I leave town? I'd like 10-20 men tonight." - Bree Olson, porn star and latest paramour of Charlie Sheen, on Twitter a few weeks ago. According to RadarOnline, Olson's tasty Tweet came only days after Sheen flew on a private jet to visit Bree in her hometown of Fort Wayne, Indiana. The two lovebirds are currently holed up in Vegas, where Sheen has been seen and heard doing vodka shots and complaining about suggestions he needs rehab. Rehab? Nah. Clearly, Sheen has all of his priorities in order. I mean, it's not just ANY porn star he's "dating." Oh no. He's got two young daughters, after all! Any woman in CShee's life has to be a role model! To wit, the lovely Bree won the 2008 award for Best Anal Sex Scene at the AVN Awards. Thanks to TMZ for that tidbit (and the photo), by the way.

Oh, and in case you forgot, Charlie Sheen makes $1.88 million per episode of "Two And A Half Men." Good morning!