Stop Playing With Me, Spencer

"We were spending more than $100,000 [each month] on clothes, for sure. And we would only wear them once... For me to think I was going to be famous and continue at that level of income on a steady basis was...naive, egotistical, and just foolish...I can't have a long range plan because I'm so hated I don't see anywhere I could go...It's not fair for this sweet, innocent Heidi Montag to be part of Speidi." - Spencer Pratt, in a new interview with Life&Style. Pratt discusses Speidi's financial ruins at length, admitting that he and Heidi were desperate for fame (newsflash!) and blew all their income in its pursuit. It struck me when I watched the interview clip that Spencer sounds...oh man...I'm going to say it...sincere. And then I realized, of course, that this could be as much a publicity stunt as all the stunts before it. Or maybe they have changed. Or maybe it's all a joke. Or maybe Speidi was a joke. Or maybe we're all just part of Speidi's dream and Heidi shot JR and the Man in Black is John Locke. All to say, I was conflicted by Spencer's mea culpa for about five minutes, and then I read an interview with Heidi Montag's mom in People magazine in which she explains that Heidi's young brother, "is eligible at free lunch for school and is proud to take advantage of it." That pretty much puts it all in perspective, no? Suck it, Speidi.

And The World Breaks Even

"We don't want sympathy. We did this to ourselves and feel like idiots." - Spencer Pratt tells Life&Style magazine that he and Heidi Pratt are broke. According to Pratt, the couple threw away $10 million dollars on homes, cars, and Heidi's music "career." Now, the couple owes $2 million in taxes and is living with Spencer's parents. Oops! Interestingly, Spencer did not cite Heidi's bionic rebuilding as a source of their financial distress. He did however, implicate the show Jersey Shore. Explains Pratt, "...we never saw Jersey Shore coming. Before, TV audiences were fine with seeing us all argue, but now they want you to punch one another in the face and hook up with three different people. Our cast was a bit boring and snoozeworthy in comparison. Now wonder we got canceled." Yeah, well, I don't know how much Snooki et al had to do with The Hills being canceled, but whatever. Point is that Speidi is broke, and The Sitch is not, and MTV has become a famewhore factory. It's the circle of life, people.

No, No, Really, We Believe You

"Spencer had no right to steal my camera. There are other things on there that I don't want to come out, including the video of me and Heidi." - Karissa Shannon, former Playmate and former "girlfriend" of Hugh Hefner, to Radaronline.com. Karissa, who was recently photographed kissing her twin sister, Kristina, for the entertainment of partygoers at the Playboy Mansion, claims that Spencer stole the Heidi/Karissa sex tape when he was retrieving his belongings from Heid's house. Right. Spencer stole your camera, he had nothing to do with filming you and Heidi, and you are devastated that the tape will be released. Of course. And while we're at it, of course you were in love with Hef, of course it's normal to french kiss your sister, and of course you are NOT a terrible, depressing, pathetic example of womanhood and citizenry. Of course.