Requisite "American Idol" Post, Edition 1

Here we have actor Bradley Cooper and "American Idol" contestant Paul McDonald. Twinsies! Also, holy teeth, Batman. The only reason I'm posting this is because finally figuring out whom Pauly reminds me of was the most exciting moment yet on The Jennifer Lopez Show. Here's the thing: For better or worse, I'm a committed "American Idol" viewer. I was there when Kelly Clarkson's pipes beat Justin Guarini's spiral perm. I cheered for Fantasia back when she was just a great singer and not a felonious famewhore. I lived through Taylor Hicks, rooted for Blake Lewis, and had a few dirty dreams about Lee Dewyze (don't judge me). But I have yet to care about any of this season's Top 12, so, until I do, my "Idol" commentary will be confined to weekly admissions of my nascent, confusing love for Jenny L and random, pointless observations about the contestants. And so we've begun! Whoot!

Let's Never Speak Of This Again

I'm going to get right to the point: "American Idol" is making me like JLo. I know; there's a lot to react to in that statement, so let's unpack it. Yes, I love "American Idol." Whatever. Get over it. (Please?) This isn't to say I don't think the show is a shameless pile of manufactured drama, it's just...you know, there's singing and stuff. So far this year, it's been business as usual at AI, including of course the requisite down-on-his/her-luck-and-just-needs-a-break character whom AI highlights during the audition process. Usually, it's the young guy whose parents don't support his music career, or the young girl who's been living out of her car because dammit she has a dream. This year, it was Chris Medina, whose fiancée was in a car accident and suffered severe, traumatic brain injuries 2 months before their wedding. Medina has stood by his love, singing to and caring for her, and then of course bringing her to his AI audition. I'm not going to be cynical about that part because he seems like such a good guy. For the producers, of course, he was reality-show gold. And last night JLo had to tell him he wasn't in the top 24. She struggled for the right words, bless her heart, and then when Chris left, JLo lost it. She really cried -- like, tears and stuff. And that's what has been winning me over; she seems genuine. Which is hard for me to process, because, you know, I be fooled by the rocks that she's got. You can watch it all go down in the video above. And in case you question JLo's sincerity, just remember: it is impossible that she is acting. Trust me. I saw Gigli.

Palate Cleanser

If that last post has you down or -- like me -- blinded by rage, here's a little refresher. The top headline right now at RadarOnline:

EXCLUSIVE: JLo's Grammy Emergency! Paramedics Rushed To Her Aide After She Stabbed Her Leg With Her High Heels

Thanks for that, JLo. Resume singing or dancing or judging or boycotting pants or whatever it is you're up to today. Cheers.

I Love The Smell Of Pathetic Desperation In The Morning

"JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in as plain view as Paris Hilton, Britany [sic] Spears and Lindsay Lohan have in the past." - Ed Meyer, who represents Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband, Ojani Noa. Meyer is referring to the home movies of JLo that Noa is trying to release. This guy must be a legal powerhouse, because nothing says litigious integrity like name-dropping Paris Hilton's crotch. Anywho, Lopez is fighting back with her own legal team in an attempt to block the release of the tapes. May I be the first to publicly beg Ojani to (1) spare us Jlo's coochie-from-the-block and (2) get a life. Really, dude. Dios mio.