The Lady Doth Protest Too Much, Methinks

As I mentioned last week, Hulk Hogan leaked his own sex tape and is now pretending to be incensed by this anonymous violation of his privacy. Never one to back down from a fake, choreographed fight, the Hulkster is really going all the way with this little charade (by which I mean the sex tape scandal, not the genitals to which he so mercilessly exposed us all); yesterday, he announced that he is suing for $100 million both Gawker Media, who first posted a clip from the tape, and his "former" best friend Bubba the Love Sponge, who he believes gave the tape to Gawker. Whatever, dude. I think we should all ban together and sue Hulk for $100 trillion for the abject horror inflicted by his naked image. And, for the record, the funniest thing I have read about this lawsuit is over at WWTDD.com. Read it; you won't be sorry.

I Love The Smell Of Pathetic Desperation In The Morning

"JLo is riding a scooter in public in Cuba, while talking to the camera and numerous by-standers, with her privates in as plain view as Paris Hilton, Britany [sic] Spears and Lindsay Lohan have in the past." - Ed Meyer, who represents Jennifer Lopez's ex-husband, Ojani Noa. Meyer is referring to the home movies of JLo that Noa is trying to release. This guy must be a legal powerhouse, because nothing says litigious integrity like name-dropping Paris Hilton's crotch. Anywho, Lopez is fighting back with her own legal team in an attempt to block the release of the tapes. May I be the first to publicly beg Ojani to (1) spare us Jlo's coochie-from-the-block and (2) get a life. Really, dude. Dios mio.