Wherein I Laugh My Fucking Ass Off

Oh, Leann Rimes. Oh, I love you. I love you I love you a million times I love you.

In fact, I think the bitch is crazy - but she does know how to party. Last night on the season finale of The X Factor, LeeLee performed a duet with 13 year-old contestant Carly Rose Sonenclar. And before gracing the stage, homegirl got trashed. Poor Carly Rose does her best to hide her horror while Leann drunkenly warbles her way through the most obvious case of onstage intoxication since...well, since two minutes prior when Britney introduced them (alcohol, opiates, tomato, tomahto). Aside from the fact that Leann is selfishly fucking with a young teenager's dreams, this is the best thing I've seen all week. So, if you want to hear what I sound like singing karaoke after 5 shots of Grey Goose (don't judge), watch the clip.

Wah Wah Wah

LeAnn Rimes gave her first post-rehab interview to the The Boston Herald last week, and in it the singer/bikini-inhabitant explained that social media forces were at the root of the anxiety and stress that drove her to seek inpatient care. Said LeAnn, "I think it's really hard to deal with Twitter and Facebook and all these social media outlets. And it's hard to take it day after day of reading and seeing things that someone you don't even know says about you. As much as you said you don't want it to penetrate, it does, because you're human." Now that she is feeling better and stronger, LeeLee will kick off a tour in Nevada this Friday. There's no word on the identity of the mystery person who held a gun to her head and forced her to open and maintain her Facebook and Twitter accounts before forcing her to call and curse out one of her former Twitter followers, but I sure hope this depraved criminal is prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

[Radar Online]

Watch Out, Michael Lohan!

There's a NEW Father of the Year in town. Behold Eddie Cibrian, B-list actor and fiancé of country singer Leann Rimes. You might remember the much-maligned affair that brought these two together. If not, let's review: they made a movie together when both were married to other people, started having sex, denied the affair, admitted the affair, left their respective spouses, and have since run around the globe making out and filling Leann's chest with silicone. It's a true American love story. ANY'HO, the newest issue of Us Weekly reports (and therefore it MUST be true, right?) that Eddie is "tired of being portrayed as a philandering sleaze" so he has hired an image consultant. Said consultant's first move was to make Eddie "get rid of his Porsche and buy a Prius." Okay, so I guess recycling and infidelity are mutually exclusive. Kind of makes sense if you think about it. But here's the real rub: according to Us's source, "The consultant also told the actor to be seen more with [his] kids Mason, 7, and Jake, 3. 'Instead of going to a Lakers game with his buddy, the consultant insisted he bring a son.'" Awww. I love father and son time mandated by an image consultant. See you in rehab, Mason!

Quick And Dirty, Holiday Edition

What do you get when you cross a philandering D-list actor with a cloying, callow country singer? You get the Rimes-Cibrians! Leann Rimes and her boyfriend Eddie Cibrian are engaged, as evinced by the NOT AT ALL POSED candid photo above. A source tells Us Magazine that Brandi Glanville, the wife whom Eddie left for Leann, "couldn't care less." Yeah, I think you speak for the rest of the world, BGlan. [People]

This was AFTER the dog ate her homework: Sarah Palin explains her most famous made-up word, "refudiate," on the latest episode of her apocalyptic crapfest "Sarah Palin's Alaska." Quoth SPal, "I pressed an F instead of a P and people freaked out." Sure you did, Punkin. [Huffington Post]

Yeah, bravery and social change are so silly: 72 year-old actor Richard Chamberlain told The Advocate that he "wouldn't advise a gay leading man-type actor to come out." Explains the miniseries king, "...it's just silly for a working actor to say, 'Oh, I don't care if anybody knows I'm gay' - especially if you're a leading man." Yeah, almost as silly as taking advice from Richard Chamberlain. With all due respect to the miracle that was "Shogun," I ask that you kindly stuff it, Ricky. [TMZ]

My ovaries have gone into hiding: UsMagazine.com is currently running a slideshow called "The Year In Teen Mom." The feature contains highlights from the first season of MTV's most recent strike against society. And just in case the idea of celebrity via premature parenthood isn't enough, Bristol Palin is there, too, explaining that she is "trying to be a role model for teens and show them the importance of contraceptives." Thanks, BPal. I'm sure all the money and fame afforded to you and the "Teen Mom" cast really drive home the pitfalls of unsafe sex. [Us]