More Trouble For Brett's Little Jet

"Kinda lonely tonight I guess I have bad intentions." - Brett "Dickflash" Favre, in an unsolicited text message he allegedly sent to a Jets massage therapist. Keep in mind, this is a massage therapist, not Jenn Sterger, the reporter to whom Brett sent photos of his junk for which he was fined $50,000 by the NFL. Christina Scavo and Shannon O' Toole are suing Brett, the Jets, and Jets management member Lisa Ripi for sexual harassment. O'Toole and Scavo claim that Favre sent sexual messages to both women and then refused to apologize after Scavo's husband contacted him. Furthermore, following the incident, the women were not hired back by the team. So, Brett Favre is (allegedly) a revolting, narcissistic perv, and the NFL is (allegedly) supporting institutionalized sexual harassment. Awesome. Go Jets!

The Price Of Brett Favre's Junk

“On the basis of the evidence currently available to him, Commissioner Goodell could not conclude that Favre violated league policies relating to workplace conduct...However, Commissioner Goodell also determined that Favre was not candid in several respects during the investigation, resulting in a longer review and additional negative public attention for Favre, Sterger, and the N.F.L. Commissioner Goodell stated to Favre that if he had found a violation of the league’s workplace conduct policies, he would have imposed a substantially higher level of discipline.” - a statement from the NFL (via The New York Times) explaining their decision to fine Brett Favre $50,000 for sending unwelcome shots of his genitals to Jenn Sterger. Ahh, Brett. So many jokes, so little time. Imma take a cue from Charles Barkley and say this: too bad for Brett they didn't fine him by the inch. And, on a serious note, where are my punitive damages for the trauma of having seen his philandering, flaccid penis? Three words, people: class action suit.

Thou Shall Not Bear False Witness With Your Unit

"My biggest problem with the whole Brett Favre thing is, if you're going to send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be huge. You can't send small junk to a woman and expect anything. Seriously, you have to be like Ron Jeremy or some of those other porn stars. If you send a woman a picture of your junk, it should be humongous; it shouldn't be small. That's one of the Ten Commandments." - Charles Barkley, weighing in on Brett Favre's dirty phone photo scandal, on XJOX radio in Birmingham. I think that when a public figure sends photos of his genitalia to unsuspecting women other than his wife, it's important to assess the genitalia in question. Good looking out, Chuckie. And, Brett: he does have a point. I mean, just saying.

UPDATE: Brett Favre's Junk

According to The New York Post, Brett Favre has admitted to sending pervy text messages to Jenn Sterger. However, he denies sending the penis pics to her. Despite the fact that the rather unsavory photos were sent from the same number as the text messages, Brett wants the NFL to believe that he sent the messages but not the photos. That makes sense. In a related story, Brett has no explanation for the three interceptions he threw last night, either. Life's a mystery, ain't it, BFav?

Deanna Favre Is Unintentionally Hilarious

Deanna Favre, Brett Favre's wife, was on GMA this morning to promote her new book. But host Robin Roberts didn't let Deanna off without asking her the real question: How is she dealing with Brett's little sending-penis-pictures-to-random-chicks problem? Deanna answered that her "faith" is getting her through. She didn't explain what faith has to do with a married man harassing women with unsolicited dirty photos, but she did quote a Bible verse, Isaiah 41:10, that proclaims "I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." That's nice. I am not going to make a joke. I'm not. Nope.

Ew Squared

"Just nasty stuff." - what an anonymous massage therapist says Brett Favre sent her via text messages. "Mandy," as she is being called at Deadspin.com, has come forward to say that both she and another massage therapist received unwelcome, sexual messages from the football player. This is on the heels of Deadspin's release of pushy, perverted messages that Favre sent to Jenn Sterger. What a tool (a married tool, I should add). Favre stands to lose several lucrative endorsements for violating conduct rules. And I stand to lose my lunch if the press publishes any more photos of Brett grabbing his penis for the camera. Blech.

And I Thought Phonics Were His Biggest Problem

Okay, I'm a little late to the party on this one, primarily because I don't read anything that has to do with Brett Favre. It's not that I don't care about football; it's just that, you know, I'm a writer, so I'm a little attached to that whole proper-use-of-the-alphabet thing. And Brett would have us believe that his name is pronounced FaRVe, when in fact it's spelled FaVRe. This might not seem like a big deal to you, but, look: we have rules for the pronunciation of letters in this country. I spell my name r-e-n-é-e; I don't pronounce it "Ned." As you can see, I get a little rattled by Mr. Fav-re's disrespect. But I digress. With no further ado, I present, courtesy of Deadspin and uniterrupted by commentary from me, the details of BFav's recent extra-curricular, extra-marital activities. Excuse me -- the alleged details. Enjoy it here! (NSFW around the 2 minute mark, by the way)