"The Clark County Detention Center is not the Waldorf Astoria." - the judge in Paris Hilton's cocaine arrest case, warning the heiress at her hearing this morning. Judges have all the jokes, don't they? Nothing says comedy like a courtroom. Anyway, Paris pleaded guilty to drug possession and lying to an officer -- both misdemeanors -- in order to avoid jail time. Instead, she'll pay a $2000 fine, complete 200 hours of community service, and attend an outpatient substance abuse program. Oh, and she can't get in any trouble at all or else it's straight to jail for a full year. So, using the Lindsay Lohan Freedom-to-Incarceration Conversion Table, I give Paris 3 months, tops.
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