Because I Needed Another Reason To Hate Texas

My roulette wheel of rage is spinning wildly, so bear with me as I try to condense this nonsense and choose the parts that I loathe most. Ready? Here we go: Taylor Santos, a high school sophomore in Texas, was given 2 days at in-school suspension after letting a friend cheat off her paper. After one day, Taylor decided she'd rather opt for a paddling (Yeah, paddling. Like spanking. With a paddle. This was an option.) than spend another day in ISS. So she called her mom to get permission, and mom was all, "Totes! Let them spank you at school! Physical punishment doesn't at all model aggression or teach fear or forget to encourage the right behavior or seem kind of pervy. Go for it, Tay-Tay! Drop your pants, girl!" Okay, that isn't exactly what she said, but whatever. The point is, mom was all for it -- until she found out that a dude did the paddling. Allegedly, Taylor's school has a same-sex spanking policy, and now mom is all sorts of mad. Because no one has ever been traumatized at the hands of a woman, right? Never. Also, Taylor allegedly has welts and bruises on her butt, which mom evidently expected wouldn't result from a BEATING. I...okay. First of all, this whole thing stinks like a giant pile of famewhore dung, and so help me Justin Bieiber, if Taylor and her mom end up with a reality show, I will come undone(er). Secondly, what sort of jackass parent lets her kid get beaten at school? And as if all of this weren't enough, there is this, from the I'm-sure-lovely writer who covered the story for The Frisky: "... I thought spanking was just a really-rare punishment for small, irrational toddlers having temper tantrums or something...The idea that your school principal can paddle you when you’ve got your freakin’ driver’s license is unconscionable to me." Wait. So...you're incensed because beatings should be reserved for little kids? That makes sense. I mean, when I'm trying to tell my three year-old that temper tantrums are wrong, I like to have a temper tantrum all over her to really get my point across. But this beating a teenager stuff is unconscionable, for sure. Christ.

Photo credit: TheFrisky.com