I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself, Volume Two

You know how I feel about Gwyneth Paltrow. So you can imagine the scene when I read that Her Royal Kale Juice has secured a record contract. Consider how hard it is for me to surrender GPal snark responsibilities to another. It's hard. But Richard Lawson at Gawker has just posted a perfect piece of Gwynnie Goop, the superiority of which can not be denied. Enjoy. And recognize:

Well, isn't this nice for the world's most perfect person? Celebrity sun-wisp Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently close to signing a deal with Atlantic Records, meaning she will be making a singing album of her very own, that we can listen to while we make homemade molecule-free bread in our outdoor pizza ovens in our London triple-gardens. Apparently the sound of the music might be "country pop," which makes complete sense for someone like Gwyneth Paltrow, who is nothing if not country. Obviously the ideal genre for Ms. Paltrow would be her breathily reciting recipes for diamond-encrusted, cookie-free macaroons over the sounds of ice swirling in a glass, a harp strumming, and blood curdling screams, but she wants to take some risks. Think outside the box. So good for her.